I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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