No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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