This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
