thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
