he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
