He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
