It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
