1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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