What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
