I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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