honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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