the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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