so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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