Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
