wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
