I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
