508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
