sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
