Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize