WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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