just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
