If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
