i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
