I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
