eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
