oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
