I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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