Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
