Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
