He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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