I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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