just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She's the barista slut.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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