I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
