So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Come see our sink grown plant.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
