his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
