listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Blood and glitter go together right?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
