He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He shit in the fireplace
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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