i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
