Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ttyl tear gas
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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