I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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