the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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