Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
