We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
