loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
