My nipple is on Facebook.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
