Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize