i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
