Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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