New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
