Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
