he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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