dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
