my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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