You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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