the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
In America we eat man semen.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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