the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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