the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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