You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
