I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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