Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
