I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
