I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Shame - the story of my life.
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