His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
