you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
