I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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