How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I cockslap morals
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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