my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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